Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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