just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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