she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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