Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
