one word: firstdatebathroomanal
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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