he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
