arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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