Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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