you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Of course I have a pirate flag
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
