I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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