oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
