When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
