This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
