I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
