In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
