the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
