I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
only if we run a train.
done.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
