I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize