so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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