What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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