I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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