I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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