i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
