fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
