I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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