drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
