I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
