but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
