My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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