winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
