that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think I just shit out all my problems.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
