then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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