Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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