man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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