We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
