Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize