he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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