Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
