In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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