Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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