i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So here I am, sexting at work.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
