new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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