I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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