I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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