I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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