I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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