i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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