running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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