I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
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Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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