I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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