All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
