I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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