I haven't been this sober since birth.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
