Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
