Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
