Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
