So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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