We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
