Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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