they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
