she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
