when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
