Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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