I will die if light touches me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
