He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
