get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
