he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
