how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
