You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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