So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
