Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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