if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
