Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
someone owes me an orgasm
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Randomize
