I'm gonna have a badass scar
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
