I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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