why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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