epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
