I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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