Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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