yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
