Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
